


i want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: Coming Back As We Are [14]
Category: Glee
Genre: BAMF Kitty, Blaine & Kitty friendship, Blangst, Catharsis, Homophobic Language, Klaine, M/M, Not Schue Friendly, Past Abuse, There's A Tag For That
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-17 05:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4654035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Schuester returns from his sabbatical in Washington D.C. For his first week back, he assigns "PARENTS" as the week's theme for song choices, urging the kids to "pay tribute to the people who helped make you the person you are today". Blaine decides to be honest and gives one of the most emotional performances the New Directions have ever seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (oops my bad) i never said i'd ever get it right

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [If you were coming in the Fall, I'd brush the Summer by](https://archiveofourown.org/works/242824) by [tigriswolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/pseuds/tigriswolf). 



> Title is from "For You I Will (Confidence)" by Teddy Geiger.
> 
> Song is "Broken Crown" by Mumford & Sons.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Fuck Up" by Shane Dawson.

_"Tell me now if you came sneaking up behind_

_Would you know me and see behind the smile_

_I can change like colors on a wall_

_Hoping no one else will find what lies beneath it all_

_I think I hide it all so well..."_

_-Dixie Chicks_ , Everybody Knows

 

_"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."_

_―Elbert Hubbard_

 

After Marley finishes "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera (which Blaine could have sworn Kurt had said that Mercedes had sang her sophomore year, but he doesn't think anyone minds because Marley's performance is breathtaking), everyone applauds and Mr. Schue stands up. "Lovely job, Marley," he says as she sits down, then turns to face the rest of them. "So," Mr. Schue says, "Who's next?"

Blaine takes a deep breath and raises his hand. "I have a song prepared, Mr. Schue."

"Fantastic, Blaine!" Mr. Schue gestures Blaine up to the front of the classroom. "The stage is yours."

Blaine tries to smile, but he's not sure he succeeds at it as he walks on trembling legs up to the piano. He sits down on the bench, then, carefully looking at the music instead of at anyone in particular, he begins his speech. "As some of you already know, a few weeks ago I ran away from home. While on the run I was mugged and left for dead. Thankfully, I was found before I died, but just because I survived does not change that I felt the need to run in the first place." He takes a deep breath, steeling himself to say the words he's only ever told Kurt in the comfort and quiet of their room, where he had the guarantee none of the truths he told would ever escape. Here, in front of the New Directions, he's about to strip himself bare, to reveal truths he'll never be able to take back. "My parents were verbally abusive. Ever since I can remember I have been told that I am worthless, that I have no place in this world. I have been called a coward, fag, slut, whore," Blaine rattles off a whole list of the daggers his parents threw into his heart, noticing the way that silence now blankets the room. He has their attention now, that's for certain, and he has never wanted it less. He stops to take a breath, shaking fingers hovering over the keys of the piano, and then continues, "For years I just lived with it, convinced that if I even if I told someone _no one_ would care." He gives a bitter laugh. "Because hey, after all, if there's no  _proof,_ if there are no  _bruises_ to show, it's not abuse, is it?" A tear slips down his cheek and he angrily wipes it away. "I was dying inside and _no one_ knew. It got to the point this year that I was at the end of the line. I lied to my boyfriend, the person I loved most in the world, and once he broke up with me I had _nothing_ left. If I had died, I wouldn't have cared. In fact, I would have welcomed death rather than live an existence plagued by insults and digs to my worth. I finally snapped, calling my father out, and then he hit me on the cheek so hard it bruised and I bled into my mouth. It was the first physical contact I'd had with either of my parents in _years_ , and it _will_ be the last if I can help it at all."

So that's my story. Those are my parents- ghosts that have plagued my entire life and came _so close_ to drowning me in my own depression." Blaine takes a quick glance at Mr. Schue's face as he flings Mr. Schue's words from yesterday back in his face. Mr Schue looks queasy at his next sentence, and Blaine takes a cruel, depressing pleasure in watching him flinch before redirecting his gaze to the keys. "They made me the person I am today- a broken shell of what I could have been. I have stains and scars on my psyche that won't leave until the day I die, no matter how hard I try to heal."

Blaine swallows hard. "This song is the truth I have never spoken, the lies I want to overturn. This is all I never spoke to my parents, everything I wanted to say but never could. This is all I've realized and all I've ever carried.  _This_ is the song I wish I had been able to sing to them as I laid dying on the side of a road, wishing desperately that my life would end."

He stops, and before anyone can respond he starts to play and sing. Angry tears slip down his face, but he ignores it and pours himself into the music. Everything and everyone fades away as he slides away into the song, confessing the truth to a nameless audience. This is everything he whispered to himself in the years he spent alone, every word he realized as he ran from parents who didn't give a damn about him. This is the sorrow he felt as he lay dying next to a river and realized that there was no way he could escape the inevitable, and this is the regret he felt when he realized he could have told someone the truth ages ago and they would have listened.

 

_Touch my mouth and hold my tongue_

_I'll never be your chosen one_

_I'll be home safe and tucked away_

_Well you can't tempt me if I don't see the day_

 

Blaine lived with his parents for years, not arguing or protesting once under the barrage of verbal abuse. He accepted all of the insults without complaint, letting them bury themselves underneath his skin and fester there, spreading like a virus through his veins. He did not fight, no matter how much he may have wanted to, because it wouldn't make a difference. Fighting would only make it worse, would only mean they would retaliate with more intensity, pounding in the darkness harder and harder.

He wishes, now, that he'd owned up sooner. That he'd let someone else fight for him when he couldn't. It would have protected him from years of laying in his dark room at night, hoping his parents would just stop.

 

_The pull on my flesh was just too strong_

_Stifled the choice and the air in my lungs_

_Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie_

_'Cause when I opened my body I breathe in a **lie**_

 

He takes a quick glance up at the people watching, not sparing more than a second to let his gaze flicker over the faces that matter most to him. Sam, fists clenched at his side, face screwed up in an attempt to stop himself from crying; Tina, hand held over her mouth and tears flooding down her cheeks; Kitty, face ashen and stone-still in shock. He doesn't look at Mr. Shue- he doesn't want to see what judgement the teacher is passing on him. His eyes fall back to the keys of the piano as he switches into the next verse, voice trembling slightly with emotion on the next lines.

 

_I will not speak of your sin_

_There was a way out for Him_

_The mirror shows not_

_Your values are all **shot**_

  

_But oh my heart, was flawed_

_I knew my weakness_

_So hold my hand consign me not to darkness_

 

_So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down_

_I'll never wear your broken crown_

_I took the road and I fucked it all away_

_Now in this twilight, how **dare** you speak of grace_

 

Blaine realizes as his fingers fly across the keys, a guitar accompanying him somewhere in the background, that he _needs_ this. He needs the catharsis of letting everything out, of moving past his parents' abuse. Even if it takes awhile (singing this song may help, but it won't come anywhere near close to fixing things) he will make it through this. That's why last night when he came home in tears and explained the assignment to Kurt and Carole, he insisted on continuing on and singing today despite their reassurances that he didn't have to. He needs this confession no matter how much it hurts to tell the truth, no matter how much he may regret baring his soul to people he barely knows but still counts amongst his friends.

He has to tell the truth, or he'll never be able to climb out of this pit his parents dug for him.

 

_So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down_

_I'll never wear your broken crown_

_I took the road and I fucked it all away_

_Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace_

 

Blaine remembers the agonizing crawl to the river, waiting for the light to leave and for death to come. He remembers that even though he had nearly died he had at least left his parents, refusing to accept their abuse any longer. He took what they wanted out of him, their crisp, unspoiled image of a good son, and he had thrown it away. He had burned it and that, at least, had felt good even among the darkness and depression. 

He refuses to go back to how he was before then, broken and bullied under his parents' words.

 

_So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down_

_I'll never wear your broken crown_

_I can take the road and I can fuck it all away_

_But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate_

 

With a final slam of the keys he finishes the song, then stands up and walks out of the choir room, leaving a silent vacuum behind him. He manages to hold it together until he gets out and down the hallway to the bathroom, where he breaks down as he leans against one of the sinks, sobbing into arms folded over the sink as he sinks to the floor in front of it, anger and frustration and sorrow leaving his body in one gush of salty tears. There he kneels, soul scraped raw, tears running from eyes squeezed shut as he awaits the New Directions' reaction.


	2. be color blind, don't be so shallow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Stop in the Name of Love" by the Supremes.  
> Not Mr. Schue friendly at all.

_"I cried tears you'll never see_

_So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean_

_And leave me be..."_

_-Fall Out Boy_ , Save Rock And Roll

 

 

"He shouldn't storm out of class," Mr. Schue says a few moments after Blaine exits, "I didn't give him a pass."

"Mr. Schue, you are one heartless _bastard_."

Every head in the room whips around to look at Kitty, who's sitting off to the side with her arms crossed over her chest and lips pursed. She's not even smirking, instead glaring daggers into Mr. Schue's skull with an intensity even Kurt Hummel would be hard-pressed to match. "I thought the old guys were exaggerating, but you've definitely proven me wrong. You've been back for what, a week already, right? You've had a week to find out what was going on around the school, get a feel for what happened when you were gone, and you missed it by a mile. Do you even _care_ about all the students you refer to as your "kids"? Blaine missed three weeks of school, moved in with Kurt and Finn, suffers weekly breakdowns in the bathroom he tries to hide so he doesn't look weak as a result of running away from home and some kind of attack we didn't know the specifics of until now, and you didn't think to even ask how his day was going this morning, much less find out what's been going on in the last few months.

You're a hypocrite too, Mr. Schue." Kitty jerks her thumb in the direction of Tina and Artie, who sit shell-shocked, and Sam, who looks furious and keeps straining toward the door as if he wants to run after Blaine, "These guys, Finn, and Kurt have told us all stories about your first three years here, and most prevalent among those are the stories about Rachel Berry's infamous storm outs every other week. You let her do that time and time again without protesting, so I don't see why you give a shit about Blaine doing it now, when he has far more of a reason to do so than Rachel flippin' Berry."

You're also pretty incompetent. You neglect those you regard as less talented and force ridiculous assignments and costumes on people, some which are so sexualized you could be arrested for child molestation. For your first year, you abandoned your students for Sectionals and ignored the fact that a third of your glee club was bullying another third and the remaining third were spies. The next year you ignored bullying until it got to the point of _death threats_ and lost Nationals by putting what the Internet has christened the "T-Rex and the Jew" up on stage together. Last year your girls finally realized that you'd been screwing them over for years and joined another glee club, Blaine was assaulted and you did _nothing_  about it, and you used the Glee Club as your own personal proposal machine."

We in the Glee Club are known for being divas, bitches, douchebags, and screwups, Mr. Schue. I even admit that I myself was a complete bitch to Blaine when he first came back. But you know what, Mr. Schue? We had to learn it from somewhere. And after years of your "leadership" in this incestuous cesspool we call a show choir, it's no wonder nobody knows any better. You select two kids, put them above the rest of us, ignore the requests and suggestions of the rest of us, and expect no consequences. You foster jealousy, competition, and ill will amongst your students. You claim to protect us, to give us a safe haven, but when one of us is bullied or hurt by the competition you don't give a shit unless it's one of your star players. And you can bet your sorry ass that the reason we won Sectionals was because we _didn't_  follow your ideas. Instead we split up the lines equally between us all and with the help of Kurt and Finn we practiced our asses off and won that whole damn thing.

So you know what, Mr. Schue? You can take your scolding and reprimands and shove them back up your ass where they belong because Blaine is one of the nicest, most sincere guys I've ever met and if that's the way you're going to treat him after he just trusted you enough to share his biggest, darkest secret then you can _go fuck yourself_."

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go see if Blaine's alright."

And with that Kitty marched confidently out of the room, ponytail swinging behind her and Cheerio skirt swishing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three cheers for Kitty?


	3. the same blind face upturned to the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is by Denise Levertov.

_"You've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me_

_You got troubles and I got 'em too_

_There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you_

_We stick together, we can see it through_

_'Cause you've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me..."_

_-Randy Newman_ , You've Got A Friend In Me

 

Kitty opens the boys' bathroom door to find Blaine collapsed on the floor in front of the sink, head pressed to the floor and arms wrapped around his knees, mumbling incoherently and sobbing. It's obvious that he's having one of his infamous breakdowns, but she has no idea how to properly deal with it. She walks over and sinks to her knees next to the trembling boy, cringing slightly as the cold tile hits her bare knees.

She lightly touches Blaine on the shoulder as a test, and he freezes under her touch, head jerking up. "Please, no!" He cries out, eyes unfocused at first as he throws off her hand, turning to see her, but then his eyes focus and he looks at her. His widen as he sees that she's not Sam. He wraps his arms around himself, and she notices that he left his normal cardigan back in the room. "Kitty, I'm sorry you had to see that," he says quietly, and something in her chest twists.

"Are you okay?" She asks, holding out a hand to him. He looks almost bewildered at the outstretched hand, but he gives her a weak smile.

"I will be, don't worry," he says, but a couple more tears leak out, and she realizes that this has been going on for a long time.

"Look," she says, "I'm sorry." He gives her a confused look (and she knows why- Kitty Wilde _never_ apologizes) and opens his mouth to protest, but she cuts him off. "I was a rightful bitch to you when you finally got back, and even though we've become friends since then, I never truly apologized for it. So this is me...apologizing."

"There's really no need," Blaine says, and it irritates her a bit even though she knows that he does this to everyone. She's seen people apologize to Blaine and his reaction is always either to shrug it off or to take the blame himself. 

"No, I mean it, I swear," she replies adamantly, looking him dead in the eye. When he looks unsure, like he's not certain if he believes her or not, she smirks and adds in the kicker: "I just chewed out Schue on your behalf and then walked out on him. Thought you might appreciate it, hobbit."

He smiles, seemingly more comfortable with the idea of her being more human when she's acting like she normally does. And despite herself, she does truly understand.

"Now come on, Frodo, we have to get back to the choir room," She says, wiggling her outstretched hand a bit in front of him, "I left Mr. Schue in there at the mercy of Sam and the rest of the club. Can't wait to see if they did any more damage. "

He grabs the hand and she pulls him up. He raises an eyebrow at how easily she does it and she explains with "you should see what Coach makes us lift at practice."

He grins, remembering Kurt telling him stories about those very memorable practices, and follows the petite blonde out. As he follows her back to the choir room he watches Kitty. She walks with a commanding yet prim, "don't-mess-with-me" kind of swagger like Quinn and a smirk like Kurt's, but it seems like inside, behind the lashing tongue like Santana, she's as nice as Mike was to him last year when he was just starting out and was floundering to find a place for himself- she just has a different way to show it.

They stop at the door to the choir room. Kitty turns to look at Blaine. "Are you sure you're okay?" She asks. 

He nods, even though he still feels like he's balancing precariously over that edge. He's pulled back a little, but it feels like one good push will send him falling again.

She nods back and pushes open the door to reveal Sam and Tina leading the Glee Club in singing _Fuck Up_ furiously at a somewhat subdued-looking Mr. Schue, who's sitting in one of the chairs normally occupied by the students braced by Unique on one side and Artie on the other, each with uncharacteristically vicious, self-satisfied grins on their faces. It's probably one of the strangest things Blaine's seen and that's saying something as his life feels like one never-ending cycle of surprises.

As the song winds down Blaine joins in on the last repeat of the chorus, unsurprised to hear Kitty at his side singing too.

_Oops my bad_

_I never said_

_I'd ever get it right_

_Da da da da da da_

_Ah fuck it_

And Blaine feels supported, buoyed up by the knowledge that he has people on his side. Maybe Mr. Schue isn't the cause of all his troubles, but he definitely didn't help and Blaine can't help but feel triumphant over this one small victory.

***

But then Schue begins to take out his frustration over losing the respect of the Glee Club out on Blaine without realizing it, and Blaine begins to spiral again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it felt rushed. Hope you guys liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> Who wants more?


End file.
